this joy is too monumental to let go

1. in the dream i was unexpectedly pregnant
a month or two in
content/blissful/joyous in my body (unexpectedly)
in the dream my family had a secret meeting
in the dream, my sister said
in the midst of my glowing
we’re concerned that you won’t be able to support your child
the weight of money, jobs, resources
pressing
i know
i said
but we’re gonna figure it out
this joy is too monumental to let go
in the dream
someone asked me to take over the wheel from the back seat

2. a woman
several seats ahead of me
videochatting while hurtling north at 60some miles an hour  on her
iphone (or some other hand held device)
to someone i presume to be her daughter
we have
officially
entered
the jetsons
age
and i am still reeling
from the first telephone poles ever pounded into earth

3. a trifecta of transportation:
as if this north-south stretch
were siltstone or shale
and along one layer: the amtrak rolling south on the rails
another layer: path carved between freeway and track, a biker pushing north
and the third: freeway. four or five lanes in each direction. a shuttle bus. in the back seats, me on it. moving forward through morning. forehead nearly pressed to rattling window. feet lightly dangling.

4. those aren’t even real train tracks
nikolai says about the photo on the cover of the magazine
i double over laughing
because i completely agree
but would have never named the failed attempt at achieving some kind of aesthetic urbanism in such a genius way myself
those are trolley tracks.

5. chlorine blue
i alternate the crawl
with backfloat winging and kicking
it is good to get back in this water

6. it’s a bus not a phone booth
some guy on the shuttle says
as we sardine pack
and push towards the back

7. kaya’s grandma’s trick:
hot water (or tea) in a jam/jelly jar
with the last of the un-knife-scrapable jam still in it
sweet
steaming
desert