gone streetsoft

1. saving a seat for you
over the wheelwell
on the partybus
riding through palmtreed canyons
and sunspilled sidewalks

2. gone streetsoft
on clyde the bike
after a weekend away

3. preparing
with kava
and read-alouds
for one last round
on the chopping block
akon
singing freedom
in the background

4. i might be naive
but i wear fine shoes

5. it isn’t until i say it on the phone
this place is deadening
do i realize
how deeply true
it is
but i can say it
knowing well
portland infusion part two
awaits

6. extending
the waterfetch walk
by a few blocks
under a black ice sky
star sparks shining through

7. sound
of space heater
on medium #5
buzzing

8. chestbruise
blooming
and
fading
simultaneously

twin chestplates

1. communique from thunder cove:
we are on our feet here
we are stomping our feet and
clapping our hands and
hooting and hollering your
name

2. details
tossed on your porch
like the morning paper
wrapped in
blue
orange
or clear
plastic

3. you
put on healing music from zimbabwe
you
are tea and wool and winter sun

4. out of all the bins of fabric
the cotton prints
are the ones i want to look through myself
piece
by piece
held
between fingers
and thumb

5. sun
passing through  pages of
3000 years of black poetry
turning white paper
to gold
exposing
backwards layers of print
through the page

6. nothing
makes me want to yell
fuckyou
several times
in succession
more
than riding my bike
in san diego

7. twin chestplates
bruising
over statelines
in a case of teeth vs. skin
teeth win

8. red canvas bag
tossed over living room ikea light
erik
with ukelele
sings about librarians
dinosaurs
sea lions
it is the song
about the spaceship
because
the thing
about longing
for home
is that
sometimes
it is a place
we can no longer
return to

9. kate’s candle
flickering
on its last millimeters
of thin wick

in the dream, a poet writes a breakup letter

1. in the dream
a poet writes a breakup letter
addressed to me
in my office
several others feel similarly
so we must hold a meeting
which eventually
due to someone’s unexpected and loud music
becomes a dance party
until the RA’s come by
to shut it down

2. for breakfast
two cuties
a small wedge of leftover cornbread
several stolen sips
of your coffee with cream

3. deepvoice
readingthe rainbow goblins
aloud
while your body
radiates heat
as if it were concrete
hours
after the sun has sunk

4. between the options of
a hike
through kelley point park
where the waters of the columbia
and the willamette meet
or
planting souvenirs
under each others skin
we choose
the latter

5. a last supper of sorts
served on mismatched fiesta ware
three plates of pad see ew
(one with tofu
one with chicken
and one with broccoli, carrots and mushrooms)
with
shiz
corinne
tyler
as disciples

6. doing the monkee walk
past one of the twelve thai restaurants
on alberta street
you in your stetson hat
me in my bigshouldered blazer
hot tea
in a papercup
warming
my hand

7. the sound
of rubyjewel pomegranite seeds
shaken against the glass and metal
of a baby food jar
in the front seat
of a truck
whose name
is orick

8. ipod musicfortune
of inspiration:
laurie anderson
tuneyards
fever ray
while we glide
at 30,000 feet above grown
black crusted with orange glitter
below

9. dear LA (aka helL A) airport alaska airline agent
thank you
for sending me
to the wrong terminal
which resulted
in a map
that looks like this:
speedwalking
through the exhaust
of a million unloading zones
from terminal three to terminal seven
re-checking through security
in the slowest
security line
i may have ever waited in
and then
being directed
to terminal eight
and then
being directed
to terminal six
and then
being directed
to terminal five
indoor speedwalks which included
empty hallways
so long
they appear
as if they will never end
much like hallways
from horror movies

10. a postcard
awaits
colorphotocopy
of a bare watch face
whose second and minute hands
spill
across the antiqueyellow
page

 

sky is sky and i am also sky

1. when rae tells us
90% of submissions received
were written by men
i can’t help but thinking of
the artist statement for
we ain’t got shit
different story
but similar sentiment
it reminds me
why it was so important
to hang the
i will never apologize
for my existence
again
banner
in every room i’ve lived

i feel it
giving rise
in my body
sense of worthlessness
i have inherited
and the fact
that this heirloom
is not unusual

2. military jet takeoff
ripping sky open
in this case
sky is sky
and
i am also sky

anesthetic and a threaded needle
would be good/
is necessary
i continue walking
centersliced

3. tale of two
community-based writers
survival floating
in name-infested waters

4. it used to be about
language
good enough for the moon
and that was all
i am sorry moon
i am sorry moon
i am sorry moon
how to counterbalance
the word dismal
the unexpected politics
and every strand
of healing
unwound

5. firing off text messages
into the ether
what if yours is the poetry
in the i.v. drip bag
and what if this
is the needle
ripping out my wrist

6. meet you
under the howard johnson sign
and we’ll go to sleep
from there

sea kettle

1. bike grease
on fingers
a new awareness
of the hand
and which digits i use
to itch
my face
so as to not leave smudges

2. you are all
very talented and intelligent
she says
and i know she’s being
authentic/genuine
but i still don’t believe her
(though i would have
two months ago)

3. afloat on a sea kettle
heading for surf-pounded rocks
that i may find you there
and take you on board

silence + 1,086 miles = 3,258 quiet miles

1. in the dream
you were downing tumblers
of hard alcohol
on the second floor
of the party
framed
in a window
like the second floor office windows
at whole foods

2. in the dream
the party was at a library
whose floor
was stacked/
covered
in several layers of crystal wine goblets

3. in the dream
you slurred to me
she’s so sweet
after she
introduced herself
to you

4. in the dream
my fingers gripping your collar
your button up shirt bundled in my hands
i slammed your forehead into the sharp edge of the white doorframe
ow
you said
rubbing your temple
i didn’t know
what you were going to do to me
i said back

5. the plan was to run
in the rain
through balboa park sandmud
but i made
banana walnut waffles
with a side
of scrambled
oniongarlic eggs
instead

6. today’s polish vocabulary:
car = auto
bus = autobus
(just like spanish)

7. the whir
of clothes
in the dryer
plus tea
warm in a ceramic pot
nothing
could be more
seasonally appropriate

8. a real 21st century housemate interview
involving
three real humans
on the couch
one human
on a computer screen
and one human
on speakerphone
while in transit
from l.a. to san diego

9. photos found
when googling photos for
franciszka voeltz:
one
two
three
four
try this with your name
you’ll be surprised

10. things i wanted to tell you about today:
the sky
how gray gave way
to layers of dark gray
light gray
white gray
white
eventually giving way
to tiny patches
of frayed blue

walking west
into sun
watered-down gold
spilling over still-wet sidewalk
a hint of heat

how i am making
tiny concentric circles
my house
acting as the center
from which all paths
echo out
and today
the concentric circles
finally led me to the donut shop
down the street
and it was not right
that you were not here

11.  silence + 1,086 miles = 3,258 quiet miles

holding the gravity of each syllable in cupped palms

in memorial
of every trans-person
killed
because of anti-transgender hatred or prejudice

(this material is intended as a memorial
but may be triggering
please do what you need
to take care of yourself)

the very least we can do
is light candles
is read

each name aloud
and hold
the gravity
of every syllable
in cupped palms
like a plum
an egg
a river rock

a waterfall of names
part litany

part incantation
calling forth
the terror
that must live
inside
those who have curled their fingers
around the triggers
of guns held to the backs of heads
those who have coiled electrical cords
around necks
those who struck matches
into flame
consuming a room
and the woman
inside it
those
who thought
the dump
as a suitable place
to leave
the punctured body
of another human

for some
this terror
hate
fear
of another’s
body
gender
sexuality
is a spidery tumor
threads
tangled thin and knotty
around arteries
organs
seeping into marrow
impossible to eradicate
without eradicating the host itself

[reported] transpeople killed this year:

Brenda
Location: Rome, Italy
Cause of Death: Burned to death
Date of Death: November 20, 2009
Sources:http://www.adnkronos.com/AKI/English/Politics/?id=3.0.4019601050
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8370511.stm
http://www.adnkronos.com/AKI/English/Politics/?id=3.0.4019601440
http://www.adnkronos.com/AKI/English/Politics/?id=3.0.4019601818

_______________________________________________________

Wanchai Tongwijit
Location:Wichit, Phuket City, Thailand
Cause of Death:Shot in the head
Date of Death:November 21, 2009
She was 35 years old.
Source:http://www.phuketgazette.net/archives/articles/2009/article8045.html

_______________________________________________________

Mariah Malina Qualls
Location: San Francisco, California
Cause of Death: Blunt force trauma to the head.
Date of Death: December 9, 2009
Mariah was 23 years old
Sources:http://www.ktvu.com/news/22015154/detail.html

_______________________________________________________

Estrella (Jose Angel) Venegas
Location: Mexicali, Mexico
Cause of Death: Shot in the chest and the forehead
Date of Death: December 13, 2009
Estrella was 32 years old
Sources: Estrella’s brother.

_______________________________________________________

Wong
Location: Bernama, Malaysia
Cause of Death: Wong had stab wounds in the right side of the stomach and left side of the chest plus bruises in the right hand.
Date of Death: January 1, 2010
Wong was 64 years old.
Source:http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v5/newsgeneral.php?id=465620

_______________________________________________________

Myra Chanel Ical
Location: Houston, Texas
Cause of Death: Many wounds and defensive bruises.
Date of Death: January 18, 2010
Myra was 51 years old.
Source:http://www.myfoxhouston.com/dpp/news/local/100120-partially-clothed-folo

_______________________________________________________

Derya Y.
Location: Antalya, turkey
Cause of Death: Stabbed to death
Date of Death: February 8, 2010
Derya was 35 years old.
Source:http://www.bianet.org/english/minorities/119958-transgender-derya-y-killed-in-antalya

_______________________________________________________

Fevzi Yener (nickname – Aycan)
Location: Şehremin, İstanbul
Cause of Death: Stabbed 17 times
Date of Death: February 16, 2010
No age was reported
Source: Istanbul LGBTT
http://www.istanbul-lgbtt.org/

_______________________________________________________

Dino Curi Huansi
Location:Parma, Italy
Cause of Death:Stabbed and left in roadside dump
Date of Death:March 26, 2010
She was 28 years old.
Source:Italian breakfast television (“Rai Uno”)
and http://www.parmaoggi.it/2010/03/26/trovato-un-cadavere-in-via-del-traglione-la-vittima-\
e-un-trans-di-circa-trent’anni-si-indaga-per-omicidio/

http://www.parmaoggi.it/2010/03/27/identificato-il-trans-ucciso-si-chiamava-dino-era-argentino-e-aveva-28-anni/

_______________________________________________________

Amanda Gonzalez-Andujar
Location: Queens, New York
Cause of Death: Strangled
Date of Death: March 27, 2010
Amanda was 29 years old.
Source:http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/04/01/2010-04-01_choked_to_death.html

_______________________________________________________

Unidentified transgender woman
Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Cause of Death: dismembered and mutilated
Date of Death: estimated to have taken place the last week in March
Source:http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2010/04/05/mutilation-victim-may-have-been-transsexual-police.html

_______________________________________________________

Unidentified transgender woman
Location: Chihuahua, Mexico
Cause of Death: Beheaded
Date of Death: April 3, 2010
Source:http://www.carlaantonelli.com/notis-05042010-mujer-transexual-decapitada-mexico.htm

_______________________________________________________

Toni Alston
Location: Charlotte, North Carolina
Cause of Death: shot to death
Date of Death: April 3, 2010
Toni was 44 years old.
Source:http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/04/14/1375123/family-asks-for-info-in-mans-killing.html

_______________________________________________________

Ashley Santiago Ocasio
Location: Corozal, Puerto Rico
Cause of Death: Stabbed to death
Date of Death: April 19, 2010
Ashley was 31 years old.
Source:http://www.edgeftlauderdale.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=&sc3=&id=104728

_______________________________________________________

Azra
Location: Izmir, Turkey
Cause of Death: Shot in the back of the head
Date of Death: April 27, 2010
Azra was 30 years old.
Source:http://iglhrc.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/recognition-of-an-organization-and-the-loss-of-a-leader/

_______________________________________________________

Chanel (Dana A. Larkin)
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Cause of Death: Shot in the head
Date of Death: May 7, 2010
Chanel was 26 years old.
Source:http://www.edgeboston.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=105882

_______________________________________________________

Unidentified transgender woman
Location:San Cristobal, Dominican Republic
Cause of Death: Raped and shot 3 times
Date of Death: May 15, 2010
Source:http://transsadominicana1.blogspot.com/2010/05/se-suma-una-victima-mas-los-crimenes-de.html and http://http//www.elnacional.com.do/nacional/2010/5/15/48655/Asesinan-un-travesti-fue-violado

_______________________________________________________

Angie González Oquendo
Location: Caguas, Puerto Rico
Cause of Death: Strangled with an electrical cord
Date of Death: May 24, 2010
Angie was 38 years old
Source:http://www.edgeboston.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=106112

_______________________________________________________

Sandy Woulard
Location:Chicago, Illinois
Cause of Death:Shot in the chest
Date of Death June 21, 2010
Sandy was 28 years old.
Source: Chicago Sun Times (The victim was identified as Credale Woulard)

http://www.edgelosangeles.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=107516

_______________________________________________________

Roy Antonio Jones III
Location: Southampton, NY
Cause of Death: Punched repeatedly and grabbed by the neck
Date of Death: August 1, 2010
Roy was 16 Months old.
Note: 20 year old Pedro Jones told police he had struck the infant several times with a closed fist. Jones said he was “trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl.”
Source:http://www.27east.com/news/article.cfm/Southampton/293472/Suspect-in-Shinnecock-toddler-death-pleads-not-guilty-to-manslaughter

_______________________________________________________

Imperia Gamaniel Parson
Location: San Pedro Sula, Honduras
Cause of Death: shot
Date of Death: August 30, 2010
source: http://bikyamasr.com/wordpress/?p=16738

_______________________________________________________

Gypsy
Location: Houston, Texas
Cause of Death: shot to death
Date of Death: September 6, 2010
source: Cristan Williams via the Houston Police Department

_______________________________________________________

Victoria Carmen White
Location Maplewood, New Jersey
Cause of Death shot
Date of Death September 12, 2010
Victoria was 28 years old.
Source:http://www.baristanet.com/2010/09/maplewood-murder-victim-transgender-female/
http://www.news12.com/articleDetail.jsp?articleId=261210&position=1&news_type=news

_______________________________________________________

Justo Luis González García
Location Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico
Cause of Death shot in the head
Date of Death September 13, 2010
Justo Luis was 34 years old.
This is 1 of the 2 transgender people found murdered, they were found together.
The second is unidentified.
Source: http://glaadblog.org/2010/09/13/two-transgender-women-found-murdered-in-puerto-rico/ and http://www.elnuevodia.com/ultimandoshombresquevestianropademujer-778501.html

_______________________________________________________

Unidentified person dressed in women’s clothes
Location Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico
Cause of Death shot in the head
Date of Death September 13, 2010
This is 1 of the 2 transgender people found murdered, they were found together.
Source: http://glaadblog.org/2010/09/13/two-transgender-women-found-murdered-in-puerto-rico/ and http://www.elnuevodia.com/ultimandoshombresquevestianropademujer-778501.html

_______________________________________________________

Irem
Location Bursa, Turkey
Cause of Death Drowned in her apartment
Date of Death September 20, 2010
Source: Richard Köhler, Transgender Europe – http://www.tgeu.org

_______________________________________________________

Stacey Lee aka Stacey Blahnik
Location Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Cause of Death unreported by police
Date of Death October 11, 2010
Stacey was 31 years old
Source:http://m.philly.com/phillycom/db_41090/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=rsn84XoX&src=cat

http://www.philly.com/dailynews/local/20101013_Body_of_transsexual_found_in_Point_Breeze.html

_______________________________________________________

Unidentified person dressed in women’s clothes
LocationSheikhupura, Pakistan
Cause of Death Brutally tortured and burned
Date of Death November 6, 2010
Source: http://tribune.com.pk/story/73811/eunuch-and-cross-dressers-bodies-found/

_______________________________________________________

Unidentified Eunuch
LocationSheikhupura, Pakistan
Cause of Death Brutally tortured and burned
Date of Death November 7, 2010
Source: http://tribune.com.pk/story/73811/eunuch-and-cross-dressers-bodies-found/

_______________________________________________________

Emanuelly Colaço Taborda
Location:Parana, Brazil
Cause of Death:Strangled
Date of Death:November 9, 2010
She was 39 years old.
Source:http://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=2&eotf=1&sl=pt&tl=en&u=http://mixbrasil.uol.com.br/noticias/travesti-e-estrangulada-com-cordao-da-blusa-no-parana.html

___________________

all information taken from transgender.org

laying letters out next to each other just so i may walk across

1. honna and i
sidestepping the fallen palm fruits
(bright orange and round on sidewalk
potential ankle twisting hazard)
on our half-block walk
to two chickens
named owl and  ____

2. in the back yard
one block over
honna points up to the bunches of bananas
green
and curled into themselves like ribs

3. black gloved hand
out the thin sliver of opened window
the bus driver
waves me on
at university and normal street

4. scuttling north on the shuttle bus
back seat
texting a certain dancer/choreographer
in vic, spain:
the beauty of it all
is that you get to choose

5. therapist and i
stare each other down
with halfsmiles
her purple sweater
matching
the purple office walls

6. psuedo lecture
on the correlations
between new-age
and horror
a vehicle
to carry
the tender sentences
about the three hours
it took her mother
to die
and how would you choose
to dj
those moments?

7. the photographer
who does not carry a camera
sits at a desk
holding up battery chargers
as evidence

8. red lazer light
marks a clean line
on a crucified body
oh
the familiar buzz
of a tattoo gun
in latex-gloved hands

9. first san diego bike note
found
curled into the curve of my helmet

lester’s handwriting:
tell me to buy a helmet now
evan’s handwriting:
it was so great to see you today

10. pumpkin-colored button down shirt
worn
by the woman at the albertson’s cash register
who
unphased by the flourescent light
the monotony
always asks me
genuinely
how i am doing
and i like
watching her black-tipped manicure
as she initials my receipt
with a ball point pen

11. fingers deep in the blackmetal mailbox
dig up the postcard
on one side:
yellowing paper
black and white photo
text: la rue neuve at maison sur la meuse bombardée
three and four storey parisian brick
disintegrating into river
on the other:
petal-pressed flower
raised off paper
shining with a mod-podge glisten
blank ink
smudged into gray
red label
stamped
with the word
complete

12. pink cell phone
in jeanskirt backpocket
earpiece in place
while i chop garlic
and whisk peanut butter and coconut milk
while you
push on the edges
of your workweek bedtime

12. after phone hours
and in anticipation of silence
you drop this knowledge
i’m trying to build a bridge

to san diego
by laying letters out next to each other
just so i may walk across
and see your face

13. opening saved emails
from kate
from 2003

the sound of several million birds nestled in a mistletoe tree

1. spoken word tracks
ipod hooked up to mini speakers
cranked
in classroom 300A
resucitates 30 students
insisting
through force
and volume
on bringing everything
that has been killed off
back into language
reminds me
why this is a root
i am proud of

2. at some point
i imagine
what might happen
to all of our names
if they lose their first letters
like baby teeth
for example:
ranciszka
hannon
yler
orinne
mi
aya
ester
llie
onna
ae
orraine
et cetera

3, shout out
to rosa
in yellow
in the office chair
we discuss
daily practices
the green ticking lamb clock
and what one chooses to make
and not make
public
(which is another way of saying
do it!
start that blog!)

4. a blackgreywhite kitten
shows up
at the iprc
for a letterpress class
or possibly to renew
membership
or for a special edition
of photoshop for felines

5. nancy daly
(assistant to the chair)
on her way out of the office
lit building
first floor
almost 5pm
aren’t you glad you’re here?
she asks
while we exchange
frazzled faces
willing the quarter
to go from being almost over
to over
if you ever need
to come to my office
and scream your head off…
she offers
and it is perhaps
one of the most human moments/
offerings
i have experienced
since arriving
in san diego

6. white script
on black tshirt
at shuttlebus stop
reads:
drop knowledge,
not bombs

7. in honor
of honna’s arrival
today’s polish word
is friend
(przyjaciol [feminine]
przyjaciel [masculine])

8. she brings me
photos of a fat lip
the sound of several million birds
nestled
in a mistletoe tree
and
stories of
burning the liberated reception desk’s bra
on the pyre
of feminist theory

jabłko

1. dia wong
holds essential oils
under my nose
before
she
digs under
skin
ligament
shoulderblade
mining for cellular waste crystals

i imagine
bruises
that take days to bloom

she tells me
to let her know
if i need her to adjust the pressure
but it’s the edges
of pain
that bring me
back into myself
the edges of pain
that must be engaged with
before they release
the ease/softness/healing

2. today’s polish word
brought to you by kaya
dillon
and erik
and i
laughing in the kitchen
while i spoon hot rice breakfast cereal
with fall-bursting apples
plus walnuts
into my mouth: jabłko
(pronounced: yahbko)
means apple