sometimes the dreams are hours away
and sometimes i wake, almost still in them
(the difference between standing on the ground
and flying in the canopy
something like that)
this morning i woke in the canopy
and it felt like this
(not the sound of the song so much as
the layers of everything overlapping
when this song came into my life
heart time capsule
shredded and in burst)
which means that when i arrive at yoga this morning
it’s not long on my mat before the tears
are pulleyed up from the wellchest
wooden bucket brimming and hauled up on rope
and to add to that, alyssa talks about courage
courage is not being scared she says
it’s feeling fear and doing it anyway
in the dream i crawled into a bed
up north somewhere
maybe mountain maybe rainforest maybe river
definitely winter / spring
one hour before morning rise time
because of bad dreams
it was a mischevious crawling into
with the precision needed to not touch
and with a casualness that covers this precision
(what would happen if i just put my body here?)
in the dream, you were restored
to an antique name
to a time before a ceremony that looked nothing like a blanket fort
to the mist – water broken open – at the top of the cleveland dam spillway
(snowmelt airborne at an incalculable force)
the grief i have cycled through
resuscitated via dreams that mine sadness from the bones
cells, vessels that have not yet replaced themselves
serving this ache up in the sleep canopy
and rustling me awake there
in contemplation of
a fraction
how many years until
cells, (musclememory) have completely replaced themselves
therefore shedding the body that knew you
_______
last week, the cards gave me a timeline for the longing
_______
edmundo brings us free kombucha
(orange slices hung from the glass
blueberries afloat)
a hotwarm cinnamon roll
and sneaks off for kava on his break
we do the wave at the table
and the slow clap and then
the six of us on the sidewalk
make a tunnel out of our arms for pedestrians to pass under
and most of them do
to which we can only respond by cheering and more clapping and laughing
i think of kate (and send her a slice of this) when i steep in how good it feels
to play again
_______
jen tells us about a leak
and i wonder how that would fit into the water collection