what it was like trying to resuscitate

a dog named (blank)
refused
to get out of the lake

i prepared
like a therapist would prepare
scribbling on a northbound train
considering pasts

i lived in two cities
with a time zone in common
one had mountains
and one had bigger mountains

someone was building you a bike
someone adopted a dog
someone was going to come find you
their hand
in the shape
of a fist

i alleywalked
in tight jeanshorts
while the yard sales went on

i dipped shoeless feet
in a fountain
located in a city
approximately halfway
between the two cities i inhabited

people
were waiting
to hold me up

the effects of recklessness
were studied
over a four month period

i observed mistakes
and assumed
that poetry
wasn’t dead

i was supposed to say fuck off
instead of crying
i was supposed to eat the tiramisu
at 10pm
i was supposed to forget about
falling apart barns

i held burials
for a week
near salted water

i fed my heart
to the pigeons
of chicago
a city where there is a billboard
that says art is real
in black text on yellow background

geography and proximity
refused to issue guarantees

i held a hand at sundown
on the i-95
across wyoming
montanna
quebec

i met some parents
some nurses
i scraped paint
and climbed a tree

i drove a silver zoom-zoon
searching for a wireless signal
across the border
under the assault of rain

listen,
i can say it now,
fuck off

(blank) and i
made a pact
to enlist
some silver foxes

20th anniversary of the wall coming down

1. a computer
sick
with the swine flu

2. song
get yourself a new one

3. miles ridden: 12
and it’s only monday

4. carrying german-made panniers
into german toy store
while germans on npr
talk about today
[the 20th anniversary
of the wall
coming down]

5. almond peanut sauce
roasted: brussels sprouts
sweet potatoes
shitake mushrooms
onion
besides the magnificent flavors
i love
how the oven
warms the ktichen
above 59 degrees

6. mtv party to go
second runner up
to jock jams

7. at macforce
i check yes
for rush service
for an additional 80 dollars
i check yes
for $90 back up
the reason i’m not freaking out
is because i’m looking through this
to december 1

8. uncovering
moments of dismissal
how i wish they would have recognized
the things that glittered within
and then found ways
to shine a light on it
if only i had been encouraged

ambition is my middle name

1. 9am
whole house
on a flatbed
headed south
down 39th
slowest moving vehicle
i’ve ever ridden my bike behind
neighbors in robes
cameras and coffee cups in hands
on front porches
walking alongside the house
on sidewalk
chatting
at the edges
of the street

2. kitchen knuckle tattoos in sharpie marker:
liqd smke
dish dawg
sick dawg
clog dawg
flvr tste

3. ambition
is my
middle name

i’m not afraid of dying, i’m afraid of dying alone

when i say american
i mean the united states

i mean
tradition
of rugged individualism

written into the constitution

when i say loneliness
i mean
we walk the perimeter of that cavity
like one might walk the perimeter of a crater
rough-edged earth under unsure shoes

we console those who have fallen in
best we can
while praying
without sound
please god don’t ever let that be me

because that has been us

thanksgiving and christmas
are the busiest nights in emergency rooms
mostly older folks call in
not because
they have cut off a finger while slicing turkey
or broke brittle hipbones from a slip on stray tinsel
but because
they only want
to gather around the warmth
of other humans

maybe there is some softness

1. ‘welcome to the house of no’
an arm punch
a room wrestle
a body toss
a mountain of howling laughter
yoga pants stretched halfway across room
until i am the tall man of the circus

2. the discourse
of the joys
of public humiliation

3. birthday ultimate breakup mix
these are the two lines
that get me:
juliet, when we made love you used to cry
you exploded into my heart
(how can i not think of my fist
curled
into the heat of you?)

4. five tea lights
match-lit and flickering
while i run water over me
until it’s no longer hot

5. pumpkin bundt cake
new cure
for the old common cold

6. oven at 400degrees
warming kitchen
roasting delicata squash
sweet potato
parsnip
beet
garlic
potato

7. amelie on pause
to take in
sound of rain

8. i’d like to think
maybe there is some softness
like folding into each other
after this holdout

9. stuffed nose
a trumpet

10. while the sadness
is preferrable to the panic
i don’t know what to do
about its persistence

thousands of miles under my belt

1. silent alarm
is not the most
effective way
to get me up and out
on time

2. crown of needles
for clear thinking
a needle in each pinky toe
two needles in each ear
two needles in the ribs
i am re-writing poems
in the half dark
that have already
been solved

3. a very important support session
on a couch
in a coffee-smelling place
where corinne reminds me
there are a lot of us out there
who need you to make art for us
this is so effective
i write it down
to remember
to always remember

4. thinnest slices of cucumber
over avocado
over white fluff of cream cheese
on toasted sesame

5. moments
of mental calculations
of miles ridden
per year
based on current weekly habits:
somewhere around a thousand
give or take a few

6. it didn’t occur to me
until last night
in poetry class
when she asked
if i ride my bike
year round
that this is a bit of a feat
never owned a car in my life
thousands and thousands of miles
under my belt
i get me places

7. thunder only happens when it’s raining

8. a gathering of free agents
creating our own wreckage
pulling the gas masks to our faces
before helping others

 

a fleet of metal horses

1.parade of red blinky lights
SE harrison and 39^th
it takes something
as small
and quieta
as this
to make me feel
like i belong

2. i need to find
another way of saying
spilled across sky
for light
for burning sunset
color of maple leaves
how the great sky spectacle
makes everything
more than ok
how the quality of light
pulls people
out from their houses
standing on street corners
mouths parted
eyes lifted

3. work bingo
we list things that might happen
like:

cut
burn
hair found in food
pull dirty six pan from shelf
jesus pamphlet
saxaphone solo
out of agave nectar
toilet seat left up
kid screaming scared by EXTEME AIR dryer
slumdog millionaire soundtrack

then cross them off
when they do
this hilarity
another moment
of salvation
in the land of grease

4. marea guesses my age
ten years younger
than actual age

5. is there a word
the way the moon
casts the hugest round halo
out from itself?
a word for
how i pull over
in wonder
at the intersection
where a street light
has gone out
11:30something pm
it is only me
and this moon
and its halo
and a few trees
and a telephone wire

life is nothing bigger
than a collection of the little things

6. riding across 28^th ave bridge
spanning freeway
rumblesqueal of freight train
below
another pause
to watch
the sound
a fleet of metal horses
rusting in the joints

6.
laurelhurst movie theater sign
aesthetic arrangement
of neon
three colors
great glow
the moment
the light
goes out

the practice of abbreviation

teahouse chaos

parsnip coconut cake

infinite approaches to procrastination

2pm sun-warmed thighs

curse of sweater fuzz

mushroom red pepper cheddar omelet

elaina tells us how to hold our limbs
my body complies

anxiety of the globe
in my neck

forest park candle-warmed tea

teeth
rotting
inside skull

new york times article that made me cry

mata’s babooshka boots
walking on heels

forward motion
stall
stall
stall

moon
a craypas smudge
across dark sky

leave your poems
at the back door
i am hungry
with so little to cut away

what ever happened to that approach?

the canyon i breathe into

1. motion
from 7thirty am til 10pm
pad thai dinner
tears in the wall-of-windows attic
and hyper speed kitchen clog dances
included

2. shiz and i
dark ride home
our laughter in collaboration with our legs
carrying us
yelling at oncoming cars
in anticipation of their carelessness
please don’t run me over
please don’t run me over
please don’t run me over
street light blacks out
as we roll underneath
church bells strike 9
at the corner
a series of precisely timed hilarious moments

3. how to measure
the liquid weight
of sadness
how to describe
the canyon
i breathe into

4. sock-wrapped glass
hot water bottles
warming bed
if temperature
possessed a quality of light
this heat
would glimmer
climbing under the covers
into a sun ray

5. mountain of halloween candy
peaking
in green bowl
we dig deep
for gold-wrapped treasure:
mini reese’s peanut butter cups
the cast aways:
tootsie rolls
smarties

6. sleep drifting
oh god
you’re ornicas
you’re born.

7. loss of internet
a quiet blessing

the importance of condiments

1. sunday brunch
at lunchtime
rarity
this 34 year old body
draped over corinne’s
while we dig
slowly
to the bottom of our piled plates
roasted potatoes
omelette
chard
the importance of condiments

2. study date
at sundown
sky a spill
of all kinds of powdered pastel color
bright moon pasted on top
full
lighting the way
for those dead
and those about to be born

3. coco the chicken
perched and roosting
back yard
on top of rocking chair

4. roasted nori
crunch
under molars

5. sadness
like a pot full of water
i cannot put down
its weight
aching in my arms