the accumulation

what does that mean/look like
cynthia asks when i mention
losing (or being about to lose) my shit
as i pound away at the tenon
(this tenon is the one that makes me
feel like i’ve finally got it – even able to navigate
my way around a small knot and discovering
how good the longer chisels are for planing)
and as she digs out a mortise – both of us
with mallets and chisels in our hands
i’m not sure i say
i cried in the back yard after the quadruple wasp sting…
there are reports of

alyssa-made shortbread and lemon curd
and so we find ourselves in the kitchen
eating this sweet buttery snack

the way the
sawdust flies while i
lower the blade, push through and lift again
with the miter saw
on project cat perch restoration

mica and i dining
(cucumber salad, spring roll insides, peanut sauce,
blackened green beans) under the osage tree
that strangely, i notice for the first time, bears fruit
along only one branch
(and a few more fruits along the vertical upper branches)
the past is past mica says
about her ability to trim down her photo collection
to something about 1″ thick
after which i attempt to articulate
what that impulse is in the first place
to document everyday,
to keep notebooks and letters i mostly don’t go back to,
to still take pictures now knowing that the accumulation
is one of my biggest points of anxiety

i don’t think i’ve said jesus more times
during a movie than this i say to mica
about hesher as the credits roll
(but somehow, the mix of
fuckedupness plus humor
allowed me to stay – even when i wanted to walk away)

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