with wild winds

blueberries on the butcher block
which i consume in combination with
a tangerine this
black/blue and gold/orange
contrast the color of
breakfast #1
still holding the folds
from the way they sat in
grandma’s dresser drawer, mom
shows me four scarves
covered in the specific floral prints
that make me think they’re from poland
and offers for me to pick one
thought you’d go for the green she adds
because that was her favorite color
and then we tour the pillowcases
where she tells me the story of the project of
a young boy in chemo whose mom
made him a pillowcase for his hospital bed
which made him so happy
that she started a project
collecting made pillowcases
for kids enduring chemo
in the backroom where the plants (mostly bonsais)
perch in the corner of light
dad tells me about thread grafting
(where the technique is to drill a hole
through the trunk
and then de-leaf a branch and loop/
thread it through and over time
if it works
the trunk takes on the branch
growing through)
which seems like it should be a metaphor for something
though i can’t articulate what
dad handing me his navy blue down coat
for the walk to the post office
on this 36degree day (balmy compared
to recent trends here) with wild winds
we’re in touch but we’re not trying to pretend
we live in the same place
i say
in response to the romance question
and mom says something about distance
as if it’s a sad thing and i say
i’ve had a lot of that
in which we re-tell our various versions of our stories:
1. chris: i wanted to play flute in 6th grade
but there were too many flutes so i was forced
to play clarinette
mom: i didn’t know that. i thought you wanted to
play clarinette, and that you just got excited
about switching instruments
2. dad: the reason you didn’t want to get confirmed
is because you didn’t believe in god
me: that was one of them (but more complicated…
i didn’t believe in GOD, but i believed in spirit
carried in the ar, in sway and shadow of tree leaves,
in the burnt horizon at sunset), but the main one was
‘how can i say yes to this religion
if i know nothing/haven’t been taught about other religions?’
mom: i remember being upset when we met with the youth
ministries leader after she met with you (she gave you
credit for your critcal thinking, for your not going
through the motions just because everyone else was,
she wasn’t going to force you to do anything).
3. even my retellings of the above discrepencies
is flawed