we do our best guesswork

the problem
with not having been there
is what occurs instead:
patching the story together
several continents and timezones away
months after you slipped from this waking life
the problem is that facts are uncertain
without a headstone
(with ashes tossed into the mossy forest
the briny sea
of ireland)
so i do things like write
goodbye kate in on my calendar for today
only to find
that the last email i received from you
came in on the 9th of january
a response to my sequin trees and a suggestion:
if i were you i might draw the doors of all the futures you are about to CHOOSE from soon

so it must be more like the 15th or so
or maybe it was the 10th
or as late as the 20th
and maybe specifics don’t matter
as long as i have you in mind
and can imagine the spaces you built around you
the objects you surrounded yourself with
because i had seen it once
in a northernish small city in wisconsin
years ago
where the radiators went glub glub
and i tasted cilantro for the first time
but still
call me a sucker for ritual
because i like to know

exactly when to leave offerings of extra sequins and sweets