laying the cautionary groundwork

in the dream from two mornings ago
i was traveling with the parentals
a road trip
where i told them
it is imperative
that i never go anywhere alone
even to the bathroom
because i know the man who has been stalking me
is waiting
to swoop in
and i was proud
for laying the cautionary groundwork
in midst of being hunted

_______

12:27
64 degrees
reads red bank sign
on the side of the brick building
between the roost and the yoga studio
which is 61 degrees warmer than it was
a few mornings ago
in new berlin wisconsin
where my mom’s employer told her
not to come in because
there was too much unmeltable ice on the uphill driveway

_______

red plastic watering can
manufacturing rain for
the arugula patch
the climbing peas
the green garlic shoots
the chard tree that i’m pretty sure has been growing
since i moved in over a year ago

_______

red lentils in the sprouting jar
turning water cloudy
while stem tails
unfurl

_______

unfurl might be
one of my most
favorite words

_______

might there be a name
for the act of writing letters (or for the letters themselves)
to those who no longer inhabit
this earth / world/ their bodies as they once did

_______

how the rain unearths rocks from
sandy trail soil
and how i wonder about my running shoes
if they have started squeaking as a warning sign
(like the toothbrush with the blue stripe in it
that eventually fades
to tell you its time to buy a new one
which i am definitely going to add to the profane list)

_______

two women so immersed in their french
and their strollers
that even when they do see me running
on the same sidewalk towards them
they do not shift their configuration from side by side to
single file
and normally
i respect the mama’s
but today i lifted my hand in a
what the fuck fashion
as i continued towards
and even though this could happen anywhere
this is the undoing of the forgiveness
yesterdays’ rain brought
san diego
i will never forgive you
and it’s not because of these two women
it’s because of how i’m always fighting
here
how even a crosswalk
a biker
a pedestrian
has somehow been translated by your residents
as something to accelerate towards
before the safe crossing has been completed
which might have to do with
how this city was built
spread and wide
for the blood (oil) powered automobile
which might help explain my
fuck you, san diego
for the struggle of
crosswalks
lack of bike lanes
french speaking mothers doublewide strollers unbudging on sidewalks
five years ago i thought i was done
fighting that way
infuriating could be the word for it
part of me wants to get zen and let it roll off
but another part of me understands
that san diego hates me (in a generic way:
the biker, the pedestrian…)
and would be less inconvenienced
if i wasn’t here
and the last thing i’m going to do
in a case like that
is roll over