winters like this made me

1. passports pressed together
you dream breathing underwater
you dream hooks into our smoothflat chests
wire threaded through them
connecting us
tin can and string variation

2. instead of flying
30,000 feet in the air
i’d like to spend the day
in a blanket fort
reading stories
with you
and the rest of my army of lovers

3. in the dream
a shoulderpunch
and desire twisting up into me like an apple corer
a corkscrew
something soft like forgiveness
brushing away my edges
a kind of power
returning
like waves
refilling emptied caves
at high tide

4. in waking life
i understand
it is the narrative of us
that does not give way

5. a string of sirens
too many cop cars to count
redblue jewels glinting down the i-5
under san diego sun
and looping back acround
must be the president
cavalcade
is the only frame
i can pull up

6. in the recorded message confirmation
the voice says
leave your rolls royce the garage
eliciting

an 8:30am laugh

7. hot pink bag check tags
elasticked suitcase handles

8. tossed and swaying in the turbulence
i pretend i’m on a sailboat
giving in
to the power of wind on water

9. sidewalk
salt residued and glittering
breath and other ghosts
visible in 6° air

10. the difference
of 80 degrees
barely noticeable
when everything i recognize
about being from somewhere
comes sharp
some things make sense here:
unassuming architecture
that might read as depressing to some
but read like a first language to me
the 4 houses on the last patches
of undeveloped land
on moorland avenue
how winters like this made me

11. when i named this game night
i guess it was a lie

i joke
because we managed
to spend at least an hour
talking
without even a gesture
towards the board games
details of girl scout leading
and PTO responsibilities
traded for details of
struggling with the architecture and politics
of grad school

12. with a roll of the letter die
and a twist of the timer
in one minute
i arrive at
oil of olay in the medicine cabinet
a lasso in the toybox
oreos in the realm of round things
and oi vey in relation to exercise

13. not only did we get around to the games
but we managed to stay up til 2am
laughing long and loud
at cha cha’s misinterpretations
and how ham may or may not be
something that grows
but it all began with going to a free class
about memory improvement
and then
leaving the class
only to forget
where you parked your car

14. headache
trapped in temples
clogged along the throughway of my neck
and pinned under shoulderblades
released
not after taking ibuprofin
but in wave after wave
of obnoxious loud laughter
this
the vitamin
the exercise
i have been deficient in